Feeding time at the Zoo - Exodus
Phone
rings…
Zookeeper:
Hello?
Caller: The monkey department please..
Zookeeper:
Yes, well what is it?
Caller: Oh, I’m interested in purchasing some
monkeys
Zookeeper:
Yes…
Caller: You understand how this sounds…what types of
monkeys do you have?
Zookeeper:
Well .. we have the spider monkey, the
little capuchin monkey, we have the cinnamon ring tail. .what monkey do you want?
Caller: Well, which are the most tender?
Zookeeper:
You mean the, which make the best pet
Caller: No ..I’m interested in making a monkey soup
Zookeeper:
a What?!
The riff
starts
Sweet Leaf – Black Sabbath
I am
guessing this is how they came up with the intro.. they know better…
Iommi: Hey y’all, let’s make a love ballad about
weed
Ward,
Butler: Yeah man, sounds cool
Ozzy: Fuck yeah, now we’re talking
Iommi: Lets smoke our way into the song..
Ward,
Butler: Hey, you sure man, that’ll tick
people off
Iommi: Like we ever gave a damn, Haters gonna hate
Ozzy: What smoke? Where?
Iommi: I’ll cough after smoking a joint and lets
tape loop the shit out of that ..to make the intro
Ozzy: Not fair you fuckers, I should be the one
smoking…
Good job
boys. Badass rating: A+
Set the
World on fire – Megadeth
Some of them would love it, if they heard The Ink Spots happily
singing away ‘I don’t want to set the world on fire’. Well not the hotheaded Mustaine. He samples
the same happy song’s intro layered with a whistling sound of a doomed missile
and starts the riff right at booming sound of the warhead’s impact. Now that’s
a big load of Megadeth blowing up in your face.
Nothin’ to
Lose – Rebel Meets Rebel
If country metal doesn’t give you the picture of what badass is,
the intro will show it to you. It starts off voice of Vinnie Paul dealing
blackjack, sound samples of gambling and
money; It doesn’t end there, the sound of woman moaning in pleasure and a
scratchy guitar riff infused by the great Dimebag Darrell make this as badass
as any Texan booze.
The Number
of the beast – Iron Maiden
Woe to you, oh earth and sea
For the Devil sends the beast with wrath
Because he knows the time is short
Let him who hath understanding
Reckon the number of the beast
For it is a human number
Its number is six hundred and sixty six
If you ask
me, this intro is the most badass on the list. Hey, anything that rattles the
balls of brainless social conservatives in enough to make it onto the list.
Well done Iron Maiden.
Who we Are – Machine Head
One day I
was singing the intro from this song and my friend goes ‘What is that stupid
chanting like school kids’. So I immediately get her to listen to the song and
she is evidently dumbstruck. Here’s how it goes…
This is who we are
This is what I am
We have nowhere else to go
Divided we will stand
Now,
what’s interesting is that you’d never expect a bunch of kids singing something
like that. That’s exactly what happens in the intro.
Oh and by
the way, it’s none one other than Phil’s son and Flynn’s sons singing in the
intro.
Raining Blood – Slayer
A song’s
intro that has the ability to send a moshpit into a crazed rampage is worthy
enough to be placed on this list. Why is this badass you ask? Anybody who has
seen this song live will tell you the answer.
Madhouse –
Anthrax
You’d expect a song that is about a psychiatry ward to have a
crazy intro right? It does. The nurse goes ‘It’s time for your medication Mr.
Brown’ which is immediately replied by a retarded laughter. The riff is no less
‘crazy’. It’s a madhouse or so they claim.
Maximum
Satan – Annihilator
The intro seems pretty random and harmless on the first listen. If
you listen closely though, the beast growling in the background seems less
threatening than the haphazard news annunciations. The maximum Satan in this
song is not about the any immortal beast but about the pure evil in the
society. Kudos to Jeff Waters for writing this masterpiece.
Omerta –
Lamb of God
Whoever
appeals to the law against his fellow man is either a fool or a coward
Whoever
cannot take care of himself without that law is both
For a
wounded man shall Say to his assailant, "If I live I will kill you, if I
die you are forgiven"
Such is
the rule of honor
*Riff *
The song
is about the honor code in the mafia. No finer example for badass, than this, I
say.
